A Short Rumination
by SilverTurtle
Summary: Jennifer thinks about Suzie on their way home from a volleyball game, mild femslash
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is the first femslash Ned's Declassified I've ever seen, and it greatly saddens me that I had to write it. But if no one else was gonna…then by golly it was up to me! I'm glad I did it though, I've had other ideas bouncing in my head for months now and this is the first story I've ever written. It didn't come out like I wanted it to, but I'm still happy with it. Leave your thoughts if you're so inclined, if not… well that's ok too.

Disclaimer: I don't own them; I'm just angsting on them for a while. And I'm certainly not making any money from this, so no suing please! (that should be made into a button)

Further A/N: I don't know the name of the high school or the mascot and I don't really care, I've kept the Wolves (which I also don't own) and don't mention the school name. Deal with it.

Warning: Mild femslash, if you don't like it don't read it. If you do then proceed!

**Rumination**

It had been a long night for our volleyball team tonight. First came the two hour drive to the game, then the game itself, then the ride home. We are tired. As well we should be, we'd been playing hard and had pulled out a win against one of the toughest teams we've faced all season, the Eagles. But we Wolves did exceedingly well and coach is pleased. At least that's what I think that face means, he seems less frown-y than usual.

At first I thought being a co-captain with Suzie would be hard, but we've been doing this since middle school, and now in our junior year we've become a great team. Working together to whip our girls into shape and play the game _right_ has brought us closer together than I'd ever dreamed we could be. When we were younger we had this preposterous and intense dislike of one another, I'd go so far as to say we were approaching 'hate'. But we settled our differences (which were surprisingly few once we got straight down to talking about it) while playing the game and becoming a team.

I don't want to lose that…_ever_. She's the best girl friend I've ever had, and that includes Lisa and Claire. They're nice and all, but Suzie means so much more to me…she always has really. Even when we were fighting, my competition with her was more important than just about everything else. There's always been something about her, something that keeps me interested, something that makes me want to know more…I'm _attracted_ to her.

I know I shouldn't be thinking this way. I shouldn't feel any attraction to her, especially since I know how Ned feels about her. Even after all these years he still carries a torch for her. They'd dated briefly in sophomore year but she had broken it off. She told me she thought he was sweet but she just wasn't attracted to him like that. She also told me that she'd been worried that I wouldn't be her friend anymore once she wasn't dating him. I wonder…what made her so worried? Surely she knows that I value our friendship more than to end it over something like that…at least I hope she does. Ned still moons over her whenever he and I talk; he keeps asking me if I'll set them up so he can have another chance. I hate it when he does that, it makes me feel guilty for being attracted to her and for not helping him out like a good best friend should.

When I first figured out that I liked her as more than a friend, I freaked out. I had caught myself studying her in homeroom at the end of the day and thinking about how pretty she was with the sun hitting her _just so_ and her hair loose about her face. Then I thought 'where the _HECK_ did _THAT_ come from! I'm not attracted to _SUZIE_; I can't be attracted to her! …she...she's…_SUZIE_ for gods sakes! She's my best freaking _FRIEND_!' At that point she looked up at me with a confused expression on her face and asked me how to do this one problem, and then she noticed the look on my face and asked what was wrong. I told her nothing and tried to go back to work but my eyes kept traveling back to her…the way her brow furrowed while she thought out a problem, the way she smirked once she got it, the way her writing seemed to flow from inside her and come out all pretty and dainty and neat….that's when I felt a hot blush on my face and looked down at my own work. I stayed like that for the rest of the period trying to forget that I was thinking about her…_still_. After the period ended I did my best to avoid her and get myself home before we could talk, I just knew something stupid would pop out of my mouth if we did, or I'd turn into a bumbling idiot, or a total klutz…which is what happened anyway.

Suzie managed to corner me at my locker before I could escape to the relative safety of the rush-out-of-school crowd. She started asking me questions about what was up, and why hadn't I waited for her, and why was I in such a hurry…none of which I could think up a good answer for so I just shrugged and continued rummaging through my locker, pretending to be looking for a book while trying to think of a good excuse to get away. She stopped asking questions and started talking normally about regular gossip and over-all chitchat. I made short responses along the lines of 'uh huh' 'oh' 'hmm' 'um' and 'yeah', showing what a witty conversationalist I could be. Before I knew it she had me agreeing to a sleepover at her place that weekend and cursing myself for not paying attention to what she'd been saying.

She surprised me so thoroughly with the sleepover that I accidentally slammed my fingers in my locker when I went to close it. I whipped them back and yelped in pain and surprise. Then I started waving them around whimpering and further making a fool of myself. Tears were starting up in my eyes but again Suzie shocked me into a stupor when she caught my wrist and took my hand in hers saying "_Jesus_ Jennifer! What did you do _that_ for!" She was looking at my fingers a moment later and softly murmured "that must hurt like crazy…" then she pulled my hand up, bent her head down, and kissed my fingers. I think my heart stopped for a second. Her lips were so soft and warm. And with her eyes closed like that she was so beautiful. Then she said "There, all better now!" knocking me out of my ruminations and pulling me away from my locker after closing it properly.

I don't know what prompted her to kiss my fingers like that, it's never happened before, and it hasn't happened since. Once I figured out that I actually_ was _attracted to her…no, _falling_ for her, it got harder to be around her. My heart would ache and my mind would always be thinking about her. Whenever I caught sight of her when I wasn't expecting to my breath stuck in my chest and I was always shocked to notice just how beautiful she was. How beautiful she _is_.

After the game (and it was a late game) the team all piled into the bus. Suzie next to me, as per usual, and we were all tired. About ten minutes into the ride she put her head on my shoulder and leaned into me then fell asleep. I let her stay there. Looking at her now with her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted I think once again just how beautiful she is. I wonder how she captured my heart so completely without even trying, I wonder if it's even a remote possibility that she could feel the same way, and I wonder how long it's going to take me to say "I love you Suzie Crabgrass".

It's been almost a year since she kissed my fingers and I still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how I feel. I'm not sure I ever will, especially not while Ned is still trying to get with her. She keeps turning him down though and I can't figure out why…in fact, she's turned down every guy that's asked her out since she dumped Ned last year… right around the time I found I was attracted to her and she kissed my fingers …maybe…maybe there's a chance that she feels the same way. Maybe she dumped Ned because she realized that she had feelings for me. Oh god I can only hope! Maybe I should tell her how I feel, maybe it should be tonight.

We're almost home now, pulling into the school as I think. I look at Suzie once more and think it _will_ be tonight, I _will_ tell her how I feel. I just hope she doesn't hate me for it.

I whisper "Suzie, it's time to wake up. We're back at the school and there's equipment to carry before we go to your place."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you Rachel the Loser for reviewing the first chapter of my very first story. I hadn't planned on making this multi-chaptered but I guess I sort of left the last one open ended didn't I? Sorry about that. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the first part and here's the next one for you. I'm still getting the hang of this writing thing, so sorry if it ends up sucking eggs.

Disclaimer: Still don't own anyone, except for Jason, and he's a meaningless tool in this story.

I didn't tell her.

I just couldn't. At first I was totally ready too, then I started thinking, then I started doubting. We had too much time between the bus ride and getting home, and I accidentally used all of it to think. How could I possibly tell her something like that? Was I _crazy_? What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if she just doesn't want to be dating? Maybe that's why she hasn't accepted any offers from the numerous guys that ask her out.

I wish I had that kind of courage. I wish I had the mental fortitude to walk up to her, ask her out, and get turned away like those guys do. I'm sure that's what she'd do too, turn me away I mean. She's my best friend, I'm a girl, and most importantly…she's _straight_. She has to be. She's been boy crazy since I've known her. Sure Billy and Ned were her prime two, and they've never been the model of masculinity, but she ogled enough to leave a lasting impression of heterosexuality.

How would she react if I did tell her? Would she freak? Would she give me the: it's-ok-for-you-to-like-me-but-I-don't-feel-that-way-about-you speech? Or the: you-totally-gross-me-out-get-away-from-me-and-never-talk-to-me-again speech? Or the: let's-just-be-friends speech? Imagining that last one, now I know why guys hate hearing it so much! Hearing someone you like telling you that you didn't ever have a snowball's chance in _hell_ of _ever_ being with them…gods, even imagining it hurts.

But I didn't tell her, so I am still agonizing over those damnable questions, doubts, and fears. I couldn't find it in myself to just tell her. I'm placing my thoughts on the bus under temporary insanity. How could I ever think it was ok for me to tell her this? It would be totally selfish of me to dump this on her. She needs me as a friend, not as anything else. I shouldn't have even considered it, I'm such a moron.

I _hate_ this. I hate not knowing what to do. My mother always told me to be honest with myself and with other people…what would she say about this? What would my mother say if I told her I'm in love with _Suzie Crabgrass_ and I want to tell her so badly but I can't work up the gumption to do so? Worst part is Mom would probably be totally supportive. She'd more than likely tell me that as long as I was happy I should go for it. Well, I'm not particularly happy right now; I'm hurting because I'm in love with another girl and I can't tell her how I feel for fear of losing her friendship forever.

I'd rather have her as a friend and agonize in private than get this off my chest and have her hate me for it. I just _don't know_ what to do. I don't know how to handle this. I've never had feelings for another girl before, certainly not for my best friend. This is just totally out of my range of experience. Would it be wrong for me to tell Suzie how I feel? I mean, I know it would make _me_ feel better…at least until she stopped being friends with me. But what would it do to _her_? Would she rather I be honest with her about my feelings? Or would she prefer I keep this to myself and we stay friends? I mean, I know I can't say definitively that she'd stop being my friend, but should I risk it?

All I know is that I can't keep having these feelings for her and _not_ do anything about it. Maybe I should start a journal or something just to get this out of my head. Maybe writing it down will make it all go away. But do I want it to go away? I don't think so. I like feeling that I love someone. I like the way it makes my chest ache, it's a good ache. I like that my pulse speeds when I catch sight of her unexpectedly and my breath catches. Well, the feelings probably won't go away just because I write them down…it'll just be a release of some of this pressure.

I think about her _all the time_ though, like now. I pretty much just got home from her house and here I am, flopped across my bed, thinking about her. It is early evening now; I spent last night at her house. After we got off the bus and the equipment was taken back into the school I drove us both to her house (we take turns driving each other to and from school during volleyball season, it's easier on both of us and our parents). I had the drive to lose any nerve I'd built up on the bus, this trip she wasn't asleep against my shoulder. We got to her house, went to her room, and were sharing the bed (we'd been sharing our beds with each other since we started these sleepovers two years ago, it's easier than carrying a sleeping bag to school, this way we only bring clothes and a toothbrush) and talking like we usually do when she asked me what I thought of Jason, a star running back for the football team.

I swear you could've heard a pin drop. After a moment of stunned silence I told her that I thought he was ok, I wasn't attracted to him at all but to each her own right? She said right, and then dropped another bomb. Apparently Jason had asked her out before we left for the game and she was thinking about saying _yes_. She hadn't given him an answer, she was holding off for my thoughts. If I thought it was ok she'd go out with him. This put me in a horrible position. Of course I didn't want her dating _him_; I want her to be dating _me_. But she seemed genuinely excited about the prospect of dating him so I told her that she should do whatever made her happiest, if that was dating Jason than who was I to tell her no? Oddly enough to that she just said 'Oh…' and rolled over to go to sleep after telling me goodnight.

I wonder if I upset her somehow. I know she sure as _hell_ upset me, but I couldn't very well tell her that; just like I couldn't give her a valid reason for not dating Jason. But understandably I couldn't tell her that I think I might be in love with her _after_ she tells me she's going to be going out with a star running back. I can hardly admit to myself that I'm in love with her and that I'm probably gay. I wonder which, when I get the nerve to have the conversation, I should lead with. Should I tell her _first_ that I have feelings for her and that makes me kind of gay? _Or_ should I tell her that I think I'm gay and in love with her? Gods, I _hate_ this so much; I _hate_ not knowing what to do!

When I woke up she was already gone from the bed. We spent most of the day watching the television, again like we usually do, and she didn't bring Jason up again. When I went to leave she looked like she wanted to say something, like something was on her mind, but I guess she decided against it since she just told me goodbye and waved me off. So I left and now here I am, lying across my bed and wondering if I did something wrong.

It occurs to me that _of course_ I did something wrong. I didn't tell her that I don't want her going out with _Jason _because I want her to be with _me_. I told her to go be with _that boy_ because I don't have the _balls_ to tell her _I want her_. And now she's going to be with him, and they'll do the whole PDA thing in the school ALL THE TIME, and I'll have to watch her be with another person, I'll have to watch her be with someone who isn't me.

At this point I'm fighting off tears and losing. I just _know_ she called him after I left to tell him she'd go out with him. And now I'm thinking of him kissing her and holding her. That's a mental image that I could do without. I only want her to be with me. I want to hold her and kiss her and do all the stupid lovey-dovey things that couples do. But it isn't _me _that she'll be doing that with. It isn't _me_ that will get to hold her hand in the halls, or take her to dinner, or to the movies, or cuddle with her on the couch, or just touch her for no reason at all because _I didn't have the courage to tell her that I love her_. She's going to be doing all of that with hoity-toity _Jason _and there's _nothing_ I can do about it.

"Monday's going to suck!"

A/N: This is it for the weekend, just thought I'd leave you something to chew on. I'm going to a place where there is no working computer so I'll have to hand-write the next chapter and put it up Monday. Feel free to leave any notes you think may help me improve the story and my writing, goodness knows I could use them!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Ok, so here's the next bit. I'm happy with how it turned out and I hope you readers are too. It was written late Friday night and into the wee hours of Saturday morning. Thanks again to Rachel the Loser for leaving a review and because I appreciate the support so much I'm giving Rachel bonus points and a mental cookie .

Disclaimer: I only own them in my mind, which is an interesting place where I make them do very out of character sorts of things that would make their actors blush to hear about.

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Monday arrived a lot quicker than I wanted it to, but then it always does. After waking I got ready for the day and headed to the school. I wasn't picking up Suzie today; she'd called last night saying Jason would drive her.

Jason. I hate him. No, not him, just that he's with Suzie and I'm not. That's what I really hate. It doesn't seem fair really. I mean he's only known her two years. He came to this school during our freshman year from Ohio and was instantly as smitten with Suzie as the rest of the boys in class were and she didn't even notice him. No one did _until_ he went out for the football team and became a starting running back as a freshman, practically unheard of at our school. That's when he became a chick magnet, popular, and right up Suzie's alley. Except at the time Suzie was with Billy so Jason had no chance. Didn't stop him from trying though, he's a lot like Ned that way.

But I'm saying that he's only known her from a distance since freshman year. _I've_ known Suzie practically all my life, not that we were always friends, but we understood each other. So how is it that this non-entity Jason can be with her and I can't? What a lucky rat. It's because he's a guy. I was always off of Suzie's list of potential romantic partners and I curse my luck for that.

I don't understand _why_ fate has dealt me such a cruel hand, why did it allow me to fall in love with her? No, not allow, it _made_ me. Fate made me fall for her. Not that I'm complaining. Well, I am, but not because of Suzie, she's wonderful. I'm complaining because I don't even have the _glimmer_ of a chance with her and _that_ sucks. She's smart, talented, beautiful, agreeable, and utterly, _impossibly _straight…which also sucks. I don't stand a chance. Not when all the man-meat in this school is jumping for _just one_ opportunity with her and is willing to do even the most ridiculous of her bidding unbidden.

So here I am moping my way through the halls on this depressing Monday afternoon, morning over and done with and practice cancelled, having learned nothing all day except that Balsa wood is what they make those dinky little glider planes out of when I see them. Suzie standing with Jason, close enough to show that something is going on between the two…it could even be described as _intimately _close. He leans down to kiss her; at least that's what I _assume_ he was aiming to do. I don't know because before he could make contact I fled with my heart breaking. I turned tail and basically ran for the nearest exit, which happened to be the one by the pool and the parking lot where my car, the means of my escape, is situated.

I'm moving quickly, hoping to outrun the images planted in my head by that almost kiss…I hadn't realized just how painful actually _seeing_ her with someone else was going to be. I'm speed-walking down the path to the parking lot and to my salvation when I hear "Jennifer! Jennifer wait!" It's Suzie, looking flushed, from her kiss or her attempt to catch me I don't know, but I don't stop. I can't. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes and I know they're going to drop any moment and I don't want her to see my cry, so I keep moving, trying to ignore her and failing.

Why'd she have to come after me anyway? What good could it do? It won't take away the pain I'm feeling and it won't erase the images in my brain. It won't put my heart back together. Then I feel her hand on my arm, gripping and turning me around. When had she caught up to me? I don't know but she's here and she's asking questions.

"Jennifer…what's wrong?" She's looking at me with those soulful eyes pleading. I just want to drown in them. I _can't_ tell her what's wrong with me; she wouldn't want to hear it. So working around the lump in my throat I say "nothing" and my voice breaks over the word.

"Please don't lie to me Jennifer. I can see that something's wrong, you're crying. Now what is it?" Persistent isn't she? And I can see that she really is worried, her eyebrows have drawn close together and her eyes are wide and searching mine. I try again "it's nothing, really" and again my voice betrays me even as my eyes are leaking those traitorous tears. I just want to get away and wallow in my misery, leave her to the boy, but she's still gripping my arm and her eyes are pleading with me.

"_Liar_." She's getting frustrated now, and is it my imagination or is she fighting back tears now too? "Just tell me Jennifer…please?" She sounds _so_ lost and confused, hurt even, and I wonder how that happened when I hear myself speaking, something in me must have responded to her, "I'm jealous." There's surprise on her face now, I _finally_ got the drop on _her_ for a change, so why doesn't it feel better? Oh yeah, broken heart…

"Jealous? Of me? Do you like Jason?" Is she for real? Do I like Jason? Hell no, I don't like Jason; he can _rot_ for all I care. Is that disappointment on her face? I know I see pain there and I can't imagine what's hurting her. I also wonder what could cause the disappointment I see in her face.

"Yes jealous, but not of you…" Oh _god, _what did I just say! Did that _really _just come out of my mouth! Crap, well now you've done it Jennifer, you've just let something huge slip…how are you going to handle _this one_ smarty pants? I decide to let my words sink in, a silence settles and it is full of tension and quite a bit of awkwardness on my part. I think I've managed to surprise her again, I can see it, but is that _hope_ in her eyes? Hope underneath all those tears? What is _she_ hoping for?

"Not of me?…Then…of Jason?" A tentative question, she's wary now but the hope is still there. Dare I believe that _she's_ hoping what I _hope_ she's hoping? Could she maybe want me too? I'm nervous now…and when I'm nervous I ramble. "_Yes_, of Jason. I can't see you with _him_. I thought about it all weekend and I kept _seeing_ things in my head that I just want to _go away_ but they _don't _and they _hurt _because I want to be where _he_ is, where he _gets _to be, but I know it _can't_ happen, but try telling that to my _heart _because it _so_ wants it to. And then I _saw_ you with him today, and it brought all those _horrors_ to the forefront of my brain, and he was going to _kiss_ you and I couldn't _bear_ to have _that_ _nightmare_ become real because it would just _kill_ me, I'd actually _die_ of a broken heart. So I turned and ran _trying_ to keep my heart from breaking and it didn't really work so I moved _faster_. And then you came after me and I've said some _really stupid_ things and I was _hoping_ we could just _forget_ that any of this happened and g-mmph!" She's kissing me. Holy _crap_! She's really _kissing me_! Kiss back dummy!

So I do. I close my eyes and kiss back. She has my face in her hands making sure I don't pull away, as though I'd _ever_ want to, and somehow my arms wrap around her back and she's pressed into me and kissing me and it's even _better_ than I imagined. It started as a desperate kiss, one to stop my litany and to make sure that no signals would be misread, but then it turned into a soft confirmation that what I'd been feeling for the last year she's been feeling too. And _gods_ it feels _so_ good, and soft, and warm, and _wonderful_.

"Idiot." That's what she says when she eventually pulls away, my face still between her palms.

"What?" Is my ever-so-clever response, once again showing of my formidable conversation skills.

"What _took you_ so long? Why didn't you just _tell_ _me_ you felt this way _before_? I've been giving you signals _all year_, how dense _are_ you!" I can sense the smile in her words; I could hear it even if I hadn't been looking into her laughing eyes at the time. I know that she expects an answer.

And suddenly I don't have one. Everything I'd been thinking before just seemed silly now. Of course it would since she just kissed me and turned any rational thoughts I might've had into putty. No answer, no excuse, could ever be good enough…but she's still waiting for one, looking into my eyes, keeping my face in her hands.

I've got one now, it's the _only_ one that makes sense anymore. "You're right. I'm an idiot." And she kisses me again.

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A/N: I'm not sure if I should end it here or not. I've got ideas for more but I don't know if they'd detract from the rest of it or make it better. Let me know what you think, leave a review. Thanks for reading and bearing with my amateur writings. Also, sorry if I over abused the italics towards the end.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This is it people, the final chapter of **A Short Rumination**. It wasn't even supposed to go this far, I had planned it as a one shot, but I'm glad I extended it. Just a warning, Jason turns into a jackass in this one and there's some offensive words used but I tried to keep them to a minimum while still maintaining the integrity of the story, I hope it worked. Thanks to Rachel the Loser and KillMeDeadPlease for reviewing and making me all happy inside! Cookies to you both.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide and I never will. I'm not clever enough to write a show, I am clever enough to write fan fiction though. I do own the characters Jason White and Principal Dane; they are my tools and they will be used.

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What neither of us noticed while blissfully kissing was that Jason had followed Suzie out of the building. He'd seen the _whole _thing…and he was _furious_.

Of course we didn't know that at the time. Suzie and I were too happy about our new situation, we were together, and we loved each other, what could possibly ruin _that_? How about a jilted young man with a revenge streak a mile wide?

After our scene by the parking lot I took Suzie home. We spent the rest of the afternoon sitting together on the couch pretending to watch TV when really we were just looking for a way to stay as close as possible to each other without arousing suspicion. We'd agreed that we'd come out to our families and friends when we were ready, but for now we just wanted to enjoy our new relationship.

I still had questions for her and I took the opportunity to ask them while we were on the couch. I asked her what she was going to do about Jason. She surprised me when she said she had broken up with him in the hallway, that's what she was doing when I saw her. She said that Jason had tried to kiss her to convince her to stay with him, but she didn't let him. She told me that she couldn't be with him when she _knew_ she didn't have any feelings for him, she couldn't lead him on, and she couldn't _pretend_ that she cared. She said that she had only wanted _me_ for a long time and pretending she didn't wasn't doing her any good.

I could hardly believe it. She'd dumped a boy for _me_. She'd dumped him before she even knew that I had feelings for her. She'd been prepared to risk the possibility of losing me as a friend by telling me, knowing I would ask her why she'd broken up with a seemingly perfect boy. And that made me ashamed of myself.

I hadn't been that brave, preferring to live a _lie_ than risk telling her the _truth_. She'd resolved to tell me that she had feelings for me whether I returned them or not. She said she just couldn't live a lie anymore…it was hurting her too much. Thinking that she has that kind of courage, that she _loved_ me enough to be _honest_ with me, made my chest ache…with love and with shame. _I_ wasn't that brave, but I loved _her_ for being so courageous.

I found whatever excuse I _could_ for the rest of the afternoon to touch her; touching her cheek to put a stray hair back in place, brushing her fingers with mine to pass something to her, sitting close to her on the couch to keep our shoulders and knees in contact, leaning into her to take in her presence. I was in heaven. At one point she put her head on my shoulder during a show and left it there. I think _she_ was just as glad for any reason to touch me as _I_ was to touch her.

But I eventually had to go home. We had school the next day and there was still homework to do. I was sad to go, neither of us wanted to be separated, but we knew that tomorrow was another day.

And sure enough the sun rose on another day. Tuesday I was sure would be a good day. Suzie and I had admitted to having feelings for one another, we were together, and nothing could change that. I got ready for the day, picked Suzie up, and together we went to the school.

Before we even reached the doors we were getting funny looks, people pointing and whispering, and even some rude comments. We didn't know why until we entered the school. Posters were everywhere; colored flyers were on every locker door, covering the walls, and papering the windows, on them a picture of Suzie and I kissing yesterday. There were no words on the flyers, just a blown up picture of the two of us together.

I was shocked. How could this happen? Who had seen us? Suzie let out a choked sob, turned and buried her face in my shoulder, my arms reflexively wrapped around her adding fuel to the fire of gossip spreading quickly through the school. Just then Jason stepped to the front of the crowd that had gathered. He sneered as he said "Well, well, if it isn't the _dykes_ in person! How do you like your new portrait? I took that yesterday on my cell when Suzie _blew_ _me__off_ to chase after _you,_ _Mosley_." He made my name sound like a dirty word, spitting it out rather than speaking it.

"Oh god oh god oh god" was all Suzie seemed able to say, mumbling into my shoulder and shaking her head. I could feel tears soaking through my shirt. All I could think was why is he doing this; they hadn't even been dating a day! Then he said it "No one dumps Jason White and gets away with it; especially not when they go to a dirty _whore_ like _you_!"

"You moron! _That's_ what this is about! Yeah she dumped you, but that doesn't give you permission to put something so _personal_ up all over the school! You weren't even dating an entire day! What's _wrong_ with you!" I wanted _so_ badly to swear at him, to curse him into oblivion, but I was mindful that we _were _in the school and that is a punishable offence and I wasn't looking to land myself in detention. Apparently Jason didn't care about _that_ though, as he continued swearing and saying hurtful things. He was in a full rant when Principal Dane came up behind him.

"_Excuse_ me Mr. White, but I believe we are on school grounds and you are using language inappropriate to a learning environment, also these posters and flyers were not approved by the administration and must be taken down. You will be punished for both offences, but we'll discuss this further in my office. Mr. White, Ms. Mosley, Ms. Crabgrass, if you'll all follow me." And he led the way to his office.

As we walked I saw students, random students, taking down the pictures and showing their support. Suzie noticed this too and seemed to take strength from their solidarity; she lifted her head again and began moving with more confidence.

I wasn't sure what to do, what to think, or what to expect. The student body seemed to be on our side helping to tear down the posters. It seemed that news of Jason's rant, position on homosexuality, and use of offensive words had earned him the anger and disapproval of most of the student body.

I was glad that our friends didn't abandon us. That would have made everything _so_ much harder. Billy Loomer, a member of the football team (on recommendation from his therapist to release aggression), was our staunchest supporter. He would defend us to anyone who tried to pick on us, and there were plenty of people who tried. It was so surprising at first, but he told us that whether we were gay or not we were still '_his_ _girls'_ and he would _always_ keep us safe. It really showed everyone how sweet he could be.

Ned was harder to win over. He felt that we'd betrayed him, as I knew he would. He didn't speak to either of us for two weeks. We understood that he'd been hurt, I mean, Suzie had been the object of his affection for years and his best-friend, his best _female_ friend, (in a not so best-friendly move) had somehow managed to win her heart over him. It was the ultimate betrayal and I was sure he'd hate me forever for it. I was glad to be wrong for once. He approached us at lunch one day and apologized for treating us so poorly, we welcomed him back with open arms.

Cookie tried to reason out our attraction to each other in his cyborg mind and just couldn't get it. He had data from our being enemies and friends and he just couldn't see where the attraction had come in. He supported us, he just didn't understand us and we couldn't exactly explain it ourselves. But then, we didn't have to.

Lisa and Claire were really shocked. At first they were uncomfortable with us but they eventually relaxed when they realized we weren't leering at them and trying to '_convert'_ them to our way of life. What a silly idea. Homosexuality isn't a religion or a disease, it just…_is_. Nobody can control who they fall in love with, be it man or woman, love just happens. That's what makes it so _special_.

Of course Principal Dane had to call our families and tell them what had happened, which _isn't_ how we wanted to tell them we were _together_ but also took a lot of pressure off of us to tell them. Suzie and I had a long talk with our families about our relationship and they at first didn't like the idea, they still don't but they tolerate it. I'm sure in time they'll come to accept it. Our mothers got it immediately, they understood that we were young and in love, and that this didn't _have_ to be a negative thing. They supported us entirely and knew this wasn't the end of our lives, just the beginning in fact. My little brothers didn't understand what being gay meant, they were six, and Mom thought it was best to wait to tell them and I agreed.

Things have been good. Jason was suspended for a week for the posters and their meant-to-be damaging content and his foul language. He had a lot of time to think about what he'd done and had apologized to us when he came back to classes saying he had overreacted.

It's been two months since then and Suzie and I are happy together. We've been doing the whole '_courting'_ thing; going out on dates, to the movies, shopping trips, fairs, and just hanging out together. I didn't know that just talking with her could make me feel so good. She makes me feel so special, I can only hope that I make her feel as wonderful as she makes me feel.

We're sitting together now as I think about all of the things that have happened over the last year. We're in the park underneath a willow tree near one of the ponds, we'd had a picnic on this lovely Saturday and she was sitting between my legs with her back to my chest and her head on my shoulder, I was being supported by the tree my arms around her stomach, our hands intertwined.

"What are you thinking about Suzie?" I was curious. I always like to hear what she's thinking, sometimes it's deep like why people feel the need to hurt others or themselves to fit in, and sometimes it's just silly like if trees like the wind because it helps them dance (of _course_ they _do_), and everything she says makes me fall even more in love with her. But right now I just want to know if she's happy.

"I was thinking about our first kiss and how wonderful it was." That was a surprise. "I had been waiting _so long_ for you to pick up on my signals and when you started pulling away from me I thought you _had_ picked up on my signals and had gotten _scared_ and it just about broke my heart. When you told me that you _wanted_ me I thought my heart would beat right out of my chest, I was _so_ glad. And while seeing you babble was incredibly adorable, I just couldn't contain myself any longer. I _had_ to kiss you and it was _so_ perfect and I'd been waiting for _so_ long and I had imagined kissing you a _million_ times and the _actuality_ of it just made me feel _so_…_so_…I can't even find the words for it. I love you so much Jennifer." And here she pretty much repeated our first kiss, she took my face in her hands and brought our lips together with passion, the only difference was that this time she was ending her own string of babble.

When she pulled back she asked "What were _you_ thinking about?"

"I was thinking about this whole year. How I'd come to fall in love with you. How I'd freaked out about it. How I'd tried to pretend nothing was different. How it was when I thought you were with Jason. How absolutely stunning you are and how much I love you…Mostly I was thinking about those last two…" She gave me the sweetest smile and a soft, chaste kiss.

With her lips still touching mine she said "we should probably get home soon, it's getting dark…" Our eyes were still closed (at least mine were I don't know about hers I couldn't exactly see them) her hands were still on either side of my head, my arms were still around her waist, and I know _I_ didn't want to move from that spot.

Everything was perfect here, it was like _nothing_ existed beyond the limbs of the willow tree, and if we moved from there the rest of the world would settle on our shoulders. I didn't want to move, but I knew we had to; our parents would start to worry soon.

So with one last kiss beneath the boughs we stood and made our way home, holding hands the whole way.

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A/N: Wow. This took me a lot longer to write than I thought it would. I'm happy with it though and I hope you all are too. Leave a message, let me know what you think.


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